Same story.

First week on the job and I have a double homicide. As I enter the station my mind flashes back to my younger years. Every single day I walked these grounds, until they took my baby away. It’s too hard, they said, too complicated for a single woman in a dangerous job. They told me I was too young, couldn’t be distracted. I had to concentrate on my further education and she would be safer with her father. Safer, such a meaningless word to her, safer is now away from her mum, from me. As I see my baby girl smile at me she fades and the two dead bodies in front of me start to take form.

As I walk closer I suppress the feeling to throw up. The smell of blood flows through my nostrils, the faint wind blows the hair out of my face. I lift my head and scan past the people, hoping to find my new boss. Apparently he is the most ruthless detective out here, the best yet the most notorious detective in this district. I shake my head, smooth my jacket and walk up to the bodies.

As I get closer an ordinary police woman asks for ID. As I show her my new shiny badge I feel strangely proud. Knowing that I used to be like her, makes me respect her less. She doesn’t have what it takes to be a detective like me. She could never give up her parents, friends, husband or daughter for a job. Then I spot him, an impressive figure, contrasted by all the people running around him and taking orders. “He aimed for the heart, so he was probably a former lover. Pat, go ask a friend or a family member of hers, if she had a relationship with a scarred man. Rob, take the sketch of the murderer to the station, and fax it to the other departments. Will, have you found out what the pills were yet?”

My mind drifts away as I take his presence in. Suddenly I feel nervous and I’m very aware of the fact that I am a woman and how feminine I look. Do I mistake femininity with vulnerability? Or is this indeed a men’s world? I compare our features and get jealous of how tall he is, how he stands there so calmly. I wonder if he could be panicking inside, like I am. My look drifts to the two bodies on the floor and I curse my attention span as I see my new boss walk away. I catch up with him near the exit and stop him. He looks annoyed and I start blushing heavily as he glances over my body. I cough and try to regain professionalism. “I am detective Sakura. I’m your new partner.”